Downstais is a large kitchen and a living room the same size, a small alcove where I sleep, entrance hall, toilet, bathroom and now a small laundry /dressing room, which used to be a sauna. We have a 100 years old log sauna in the garden with no running water or electricity. The house itself was built in 1935 from logs as well and it used to be a farmhouse.
I peeled off the layers of particle board and plastic. The old floor planks are each one unique, and beautiful with their imperfections. How many feet have touched them, I wonder? This one wide plank had been badly hacked, apparently to fit under the subsequent flooring. I sanded and sanded some more, and it still stands out, but I love it. The finishing isn't even, but I don't mind. I only had a couple of weeks to fix the floors before we moved in!
The bathroom addition was built 30 years ago and I'm just about finished renovating it now. It is beautiful with stucco, Moroccan tiles and an old bathtub and vintage or vintage style elements.
I will post before and after pictures of the house soon!
I still have some work to do in the garden before winter comes. I should protect the fruit trees and berry bushes I planted, and I have some spring flower bulbs to plant still. In the middle of the dark and cold of the winter, I have the springtime with all the flowers to wait for.
I have planned to build a small greenhouse from old windows, and grow more edibles next year. I grew some potatoes, herbs, tomatoes, and bell peppers this year. And we got some raspberries and blueberries, even though it was the first year. There were already some redcurrant and blackcurrant bushes and a red gooseberry bush, which made tons of berries, so I froze a lot too. I only have small freezer in my fridge-freezer combo, so I need to get a bigger freezer.
As the world seems to get crazier by the day now, I have relaxed my standards of storing, or not storing things. Living in a house alone with my daughter it makes sense anyway. The stores are not too far away, but what if they deny access to the stores close by us, because I won't get the c-vaxx? I don't want to drive to a store all the time because I run out of things. Obviously we don't have tons of room for extra stuff in this small house, and with only a small shed for firewood and a few gardening things, I still won't turn into a hoarder.
I like to keep firewood, batteries, instant coffee (because even a zombie apocalypse is more survivable with coffee, I tell you!), dry yeast, flour, baking chocolate, nuts, dried fruit, cooking oil, some water, things like that. Extra wool blankets for super cold nights. I have electric radiators, but so far this fall only Indiana keeps hers on. I light the fireplace and at night I snuggle under multiple wool blankets. And I wear wool socks, because the floors are cold. Perhaps we need more rugs.
I still want to dig a well for water, I used too much water this past summer because it was scorching hot for weeks on end and I had little fruit trees and things to water. And I want to install a wood stove in the kitchen, that is next on my wish list for the house. We do have a firepit outside, so I can make my coffee there if we lose electricity this winter!
I do not miss our old city at all. We still attend the same church, as it is only a 40 minute drive from us. We also attend a Bible study here in our new hometown so we have made new local Christian friends. I'm also making friends with local homeschooling families, so that we have more of a social life. For a long time Indy was too sick to have the energy to really do much, but she is much better now and gets bored and lonely if we just stay at home too much.
As I read through my old posts, I saw myself talking years ago that the world seemed to have gone mad. If I would have to say something to my old self at the time, I would say: "You've seen nothing yet, so buckle up!" As it happened, both my personal life and the world in general was since sucked ever deeper in a vortex of crazy.
I see scared people all around me. Believers are scared, non-believers are scared. People are either scared of a virus and dying, or they are scared of being stripped of their rights, God-given liberties and bodily autonomy. I would be in that latter category, except I'm not scared. I'm definitely not scared of dying. I know that every second, every breath, is at the hand of my Lord. There have been some very dark moments when I wished I could just die. And I knew that I wouldn't, because I would not die one second before it is my appointed time. To be honest, I've had moments when I worried a little about my financial security. Sometimes it's more difficult to trust God in the small details, as if he would think them too small to attend to! It is not so. Some people feel like we shouldn't bother God with petty details, but I have to admit I've prayed for a parking spot when I have been running late, say, to Indy's doctor's appointment. In a moment of exhaustion, frustration with myself (why didn't we leave earlier?) it has not seemed a petty detail, as I've had tears in my eyes, like it was almost the last drop that I could possibly take. But he is a God who cares about every detail of my life. He wants me to talk to him about everything, the good and the bad, big and small. And God has a sense of humor. He does, did you know that? He sometimes makes me laugh. Like the time when I was first alone with Indy, a little over seven years ago. I was thinking about money, how to support myself. In little over two weeks' time I found eight coins on the ground. It seemed like every time I went outside, I would saw a coin on the side of the road, on the woodsy path next to our house, under the grocery store packing area. As I picked Indy from her pre-school and we went to the supermarket nearby, she said: "You are probably going to find money again mom". "Probably not, you don't just find money on the ground every day" I replied. And less than a minute later I found another coin and we laughed. After the eight coins, I said to God: "Okay, I trust that you will take care of us, you can even drop money from the sky if needed!".
Having gone through soul crushing times, having lost a lot, at some point you just get over fear. You survived all that, and you are still here. You survived even though you felt you wouldn't, couldn't possibly go on another day. And you surrender it all to God, little by little. And it is not that you don't care about anything anymore. No, it's that you care more freely, without fear of loss. You start to live one day at a time and life becomes simpler, lighter.
Don't let hardships turn you angry and bitter and self-pitying. Surrender to God, trust in him, as he is forever good, forever omnipotent, always gracious, infinitely just, he is perfect love and finally, he is holy, holy, holy!
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